Change is Just... So... Hard

I recently attended our Diocesan Convention and heard the story of St. Columba who built a coracle and paddled (sailed?) it from Ireland to an island off the coast of Scotland where he started a new religious community (short version).  The convention's theme was centered on the change we need to bring in our church (at all levels) and our home parishes in order for our church to survive in the face of challenges too numerous to name here.  I told Don all of this when I got home and said that I feel a bit like St. Columba, heading off into the unknown and he said, "bobbing along in the water, sighting land ahead?" I said that I actually felt more like I was only at the point of thinking about building myself a coracle.

But, change has a way of happening whether it fits your schedule or not.  You can't wait for a propitious wind to set sail on uncharted waters -- usually, life just throws you off the dock.

That is sort of how my life has felt the past few years.  Every time I turn around, life is throwing me off the dock into cold, deep water.  I've written here about a couple of the big events -- my sons going to and then graduating from college and my parents' move out of their home and their independence into an apartment with need for more support from family and doctors.  The past summer and fall brought change and the prospect of change even closer with my Dad's health problems - the sudden realization he was not going to live forever was scary (yes, I know he's human, but I still can't imagine life without him).

The most recent changes, or possible changes, came in a cluster of three.  First, a colleague whom I value has been offered a job - the verdict is still out on this change, but it won't be easy for anyone if it goes through and has led to some introspection about professional change and challenge.  Next, our neighbors of 23 years, with whom we share a driveway and who are like family to us, turned 90 this year and finally decided to move in with their daughter, 2 hours away.  The moving truck came last Friday and their house stands relatively empty and completely dark at this point.  Also on Friday morning, it was announced that my favorite radio show on our local public radio station was ending that day after a 30+ year run.

What did I do in the face of these last two events?  I bawled.  I went to work late with puffy, red eyes and told everyone I was having a bad day.  Life goes on - yesterday was the church fair and demanded full attention, but apart from that distraction, I find that the tears are still just under the surface, threatening to break through if given the slightest opportunity.  Change is just... so... hard.

ON MY NEEDLES
Despite my tendonitis, I'm nearly done with a Miss BB sweater - just one sleeve to knit and then I can put it together.  Doctor's appointment for the wrist in a week - hurrah!

I'm always envious of knitters who get to go to knitting retreats: Sock Summit, SOAR, Knitting Lab, Squam Lake, etc.  So, I've joined Craftsy and when they had a sale on classes recently, I bought three.  I'm looking forward to doing Portulaca with Carol Feller and a Lopi sweater with Ragga Eriksdotter in Iceland. The third is about fitting your knits to your figure - I took a class on this once, but could use a refresher. 

Meditation

I'm not fond of being surrounded by "drama" - either at home or at work.  I've worked and lived with people during my life who simply can't function if they don't have everyone around them dancing to their tune.  I tend to seek equilibrium, balance, and calm assurance whenever possible.  I think most knitters are like that - and probably partly due to the meditative nature of our art.  I would love to cultivate the habit of real meditation, and intend to do so at some point, but for now, the meditation of putting one stitch after another on the needles, counting under my breath when needed, and observing a lovely pattern emerging will be my calming activity.

ON MY NEEDLES
I'm still working slowly on my Rising Fog shawl, which doesn't seem to hurt my wrist if I don't work too long, and on my Miss BB sweater -- 1 1/2 sleeves are done.  I should have time to work on those during meetings at the state Episcopal Convention this weekend.  Other than that, all is on hold as I baby my wrist.

Busy Weekend!

This was a weekend of celebrations!  First, the kickoff of the Bicentennial Year Celebration for Colby College on Friday night, with more celebration of that event on Saturday afternoon.  And we topped off the weekend with a retirement party for the two women who, for many, many years, ran the camp my sons attended as children and worked at as young adults.  The party ended with a lovely, brief evening prayer in a lovely, small, round chapel in the Episcopal Cathedral.  Prayer, songs, and hugs all around.  It was nice seeing colleagues from the Board of Trustees of Camp Bishopswood and seeing the young staff I've had the joy of getting to know over the past few years -- all there to celebrate these two women who've left an indelible mark on all of us.

Falling Behind - A Bit of a Rant

Well, I've already missed 3 days of the 40 days of writing.  Oh well.  Where have I been?  Mostly at work, I'm afraid.  There is no excuse for missing Wednesday, but on Thursday I didn't get home from work until 11 pm - way past my bedtime.  And last night was full of celebration -- dinner, guest speaker, music, and a "ball" at Colby College, marking the official opening of our bicentennial year.  It was lovely, and fun, but again a late night.  And, now, all of a sudden, it is the weekend!

The weekend always brings a unique tension to my life.  My husband has already commented that I need to clean the house - to which I retorted something that I'm thinking you can guess.  But, the fact is that I wish I had more time to do just that - have a highly clean home.  I'm always falling behind on the housework - not because I hate housework.  I just don't get much time to do it.  So, things pile up on the counter in the kitchen, on the table in the dining room (not just my stuff -- right in front of me is a piece of mail addressed to Don that has been laying on the table for a week now), at the bottom of the stairs (to be taken upstairs), and in other odd places.  Sigh.

I'm behind on e-mail at work because I spent the only "free" time I had this week catching up on several weeks of counseling notes.  I haven't really started to think about Christmas, in a vain attempt not to find myself scrambling at the last minute.  Oh, and I really need to spend some time paying bills this weekend - almost forgot!

Of course, I'm not spending enough time knitting to suit myself.  And, I'm going to fall even further behind with that as it seems I have tendonitis in my right (dominant) thumb.  I had a meeting about a Jan Plan program we co-direct with the college physician yesterday and he's pretty sure it is tendonitis and that I should give it complete rest for at least two weeks.  Right.  Not happening.  But, I guess I could try to put aside my knitting for two weeks. Maybe.

I think I'll do some quilting today.

Cold Weather

There is something about cold weather that makes me want to do two things -- knit and sleep.  I can tell that we're in the midst of a change of seasons because I can't seem to get enough sleep.  I should be staying up to watch the Presidential debate that will start momentarily, but after I jot these thoughts down, I'll be off to bed.  I'll catch the news tomorrow and see how it went.  Mostly, I'm having difficulty getting up in the morning.  Probably it is the gray, cold weather we've been having that makes me want to stay right in bed.

I also find myself wanting to knit all the time.  Even while knitting on one project or another, my mind is wandering off to other projects I would like to start.  Most, of course, are things I "should" make - usually holiday gifts or that pair of mittens I promised my husband last spring.  I could have dozens of projects on my needles if I didn't keep a tight hold on myself.

Speaking of which, there's that slouch hat pattern and yarn I got to go with my son's dreadlocks.  I think I'll go find that, brush my teeth, and climb into bed.

Birthdays

Today is my 55th birthday.  I suppose it is a momentous number, but somehow it doesn't feel that way.  Just another birthday.   I don't ever say anything at work about my birthday - it prevents having to eat stuff I don't want to eat, so it was a quiet day full of... work (actually, it is fall break and having students away from campus means I actually did get some work done today without any interruption).  My husband took me out for dinner, which was lovely.  The glass of wine has me feeling relaxed and sleepy.  I took us shopping for my gift yesterday - a Wii - and Don set it up for me last night.  I learned this evening how to work it and now have to keep my promise to get up in the morning and do a dance or Wii-Fit workout.

My family did take the time out of what was a busy, stressful weekend to celebrate my birthday yesterday at my sister's house and it was nice to see everyone who was there.  The one thing that would have made it perfect would have been to have my father there, but he was in need of a nap, so we sent him a serving of ice cream afterwards.

I'm very thankful, at 55, to have a loving partner/best friend in my husband, a comfortable home full of lots of great memories, a sizeable yarn and fabric stash, an extended family of siblings who work hard at staying close, two lovable cats, and my health.  I'm a very lucky person.

Satisfaction

I don't know if writing about finishing projects helped motivate me to actually finish a project, but I'm proud (and relieved) to have done so. 

At least two years ago, I hired someone to wallpaper our stairway and upstairs hall (very small and mostly doorways).  I underestimated the wallpaper I needed, and the man I hired was unable to quite finish the job.  I ordered more and was determined to finish it myself since all that was left was the hall and wouldn't involve figuring out how to get way up to the ceiling over the stairway.  Well, time passed and my sister (who is my favorite wallpaper assistant - my siblings and I were all well-trained by our father in the construction assistant role) came to help me finish the job.  I was extremely disappointed to find that I still didn't have enough wallpaper to finish the job.  Furthermore, I was appalled to find that the wallpaper was now not available.  Anywhere.  Except in another colorway. Aaarrrgh!

I've just let the unfinished wall sit there, reproaching me every time climbed the stairs (several times every day), for two years.  Yesterday, I decided I would finish the job, even if it meant piecing stuff together.  I did have plenty of coordinating wallpaper that we had used in the room downstairs that the stairs open into, so I decided to use that for the wall at the top of the stairs and then pieced the one half-strip that had to match.  I did the little strips over the doors and FINISHED THE JOB!  So, so satisfying.

ON (AND OFF) MY NEEDLES:
Here are a few photos of projects I have not yet finished.

Rising Fog (which is a bit bluer than it looks here - really, really pretty):

Miss BB - the color is a bit more purple in real life, with this rose/gold color as highlights:

And, a finished project I had (already) forgotten about.  A colleague and I made coordinated Prayer Shawls for a couple who have just retired from long standing roles at the summer camp my sons attended.  Mine is in Ultra Alpaca in rust/brown heather:

Starting

Thinking about finishing things yesterday, I have to admit that one of my problems is that I love to start new things.  In honor of that tendency, I started a new sweater yesterday.  I've been wanting to do a good 'ol wool sweater for a while, but hadn't found just the right pattern to go with yarn I already have or the right yarn to go with patterns I already had.  Until two nights ago when I was catching up on the Yarn Harlot's Blog.  She has an annual habit of starting a new sweater to wear to Rhinebeck (a sheep and wool festival in upperstate NY that I am so going to attend the first fall I'm retired) less than two weeks before the event.  I'm not going to be able to knit mine as quickly as she will knit hers, but I both loved the pattern and was intrigued by her strategy of knitting the sleeves first.  I'm part way into my first sleeve and really liking the idea of knitting this sweater "backwards" (usually you start with the back, then the fronts, and then the sleeves - at least, that is how all patterns are written).

ON MY NEEDLES
Miss BB is going well in Cascade 220 Heathers in a purple-ish mix color.  I picked up this yarn on my 50th birthday boondoggle trip to Webs' tent sale.  That would be 5 years ago, so it is time to find a good use for it and this is it!

Finishing

One of my challenges in life is finishing projects.  My professional avocation is full of projects that take forever to finish and, even while finishing are melding into the next project, giving the impression that each is never ending.  It makes the possibility of retiring in 4-6 years very enticing.  You would think that I would compensate at home by finishing projects promptly, but I find myself surrounded by unfinished projects here, too. I'm beginning to think this is all going to push me over the edge, though the enticement of retirement seems to hold promise for a cure at home too.

But, today I am actually wearing a recently finished project:

OFF MY NEEDLES
Purple socks -- Asymmetrical Cables by Cookie A. in Sock Knitting Master Class: Innovative Techniques & Patterns from Top Designers by Ann Budd.  I'm wearing them as part of my outfit to support "Coming Out Week" at Colby, along with an equally purple scarf.

Mesmerizing

I know that some people in my life wonder what exactly I see in knitting.  Yes, it results in nice things to wear or give away, but, really, what is so interesting about it? My brother-in-law says I "knit like it is my job!" because I always pull my knitting out at family gatherings.  One explanation I shared with him is that keeping my hands busy keeps me from eating continually since so many of our gatherings involve delicious food.  That made sense to him.

The real reason?  I'm mesmerized by the repetition and by the slowly growing fabric in my hands.  I rarely knit "plain vanilla" patterns, so there is usually a texture pattern or a color pattern that is emerging with every row.  I'm similarly captivated by computer games, like Mahjong, but those endeavors don't have, for me, any tangible result.  I've added those apps to my iPad a number of times, spent an evening playing them until way past my bedtime, and then removed them from my computer so that I won't be tempted to play them so easily.  I prefer the slow, steady engagement in knitting, and enjoy the products of my indulgence.

Knitting is my meditation - it is automatically calming and allows me to clear my head.  It soothes me.  And is low-calorie.  I think I'll keep knitting.

ON MY NEEDLES
I've got another sweater,  Silvretta, on the needles that I hope to get back to soon.  The yarn is a blend with only a little wool, which I find harder on my hands.  With my current wrist situation, I've put the project aside for now.  The fronts and backs are done and were an interesting exercise - they are knit out from the center of the back and come to a point in the front (kind of a swing front) with a lace edging.   I had to really work hard to keep track of the rows and edging patterns, which is a good mental challenge, but this was definitely not a social-situation knitting project.

In contrast, I also have a cowl project on the needles which is practically knitting itself.  It is so easy (but not completely plain) that I can knit it without paying a lot of attention, so lends itself nicely to social situations.  The cowl was a free pattern.  The yarn is Quince and Co. Tern.

Injured, But Still Knitting

I have an annoying wrist injury. Right wrist, inner side, around that little bump of bone.  Sometimes it zings me, but mostly it just annoys.

While I wait to get an appointment with a wrist specialist, I've been paying close attention to see what  makes it hurt more or less.  There's very little consistent pattern except that knitting seems to make it feel better.  Go figure!

So, on I knit.

ON MY NEEDLES
Way too many projects, actually.  But here are the highlights:

 Rising Fog by Bonnie Sennott is a rectangular shawl/wrap in lace knitting (I think that's the right term - every other row is purled).  I'm including some lovely irridescent beads and enjoying the pattern.  I started it while hanging out at the hospital two weeks ago when my father had bypass surgery and even knitting all day didn't make my wrist worse.

The Braids Cardigan is a project I started a few years ago (I know, I can't believe I haven't finished it yet).  The yarn is Webs Colrain in Grape Jelly, which is a lovely yarn to work with.  I pulled it out recently and got the front bands knitted on, including one-row buttonholes.  Now I need to find the right needles and get the sleeves done - knitted down from the top so I'll be able to put it on and wear it as soon as they are completed.

And, with 39 more days of writing, more projects to come!

40 Days of Writing

Perusing Facebook last night, I cam across a link to the 40 Days of Writing project which starts today.  Now, my friend who posted it is someone I would call a "real" writer.  I also shared the link with one of my sisters who I also think of as a gifted writer.

Today, I worked my way down through my top 10 blogs and was dismayed to find that only 2 had posted anything in the past few days.  That, combined with the germ of the idea of writing for 40 days reminded me that it has been MONTHS since my last post on my own blog.

So, here I go with an attempt to blog for the next 40 days.

Quote

"Be glad with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won't have to hunt for happiness."

This was the quote I used in my high school yearbook profile.  Funny how something I picked out over 35 years ago has stuck with me and really turned out to still be something I strive for.  I'm not always generous with money or things, but I try hard to cultivate what my husband calls a "generous spirit."  And, in that light, it is a good reminder that we know ourselves better at a young age than people my age give young people credit for.  Something to keep in mind as one of our sons moves home from college for the summer.  I don't have to be the Mom he left behind when he went off to college -- I don't know everything about him, nor do I need to be directing his life. 

But, I will be suggesting a knitting project to help keep him busy :)

Next Chapter - College Graduation and Beyond

4 weeks and 5 weeks from today, my sons will graduate from college. Graduation is an integral part of my life every year at this time because I work at a college, mostly with senior students. Every year, I get a lump in my throat at some point during graduation weekend - all of those terrific young people going out into the world, whether they are ready or not

This time, I'm watching the process from the family side and I'm choking up months before the event. There are things I'm very much looking forward to, like no more tuition payments and yet I get teary-eyed when I get an e-mail from the colleges about the graduation weekend activities. I can only guess it is related to the renegotiation of roles and relationships that come with these big changes. We certainly moved into a new kind of relationship with our sons when they went off to college, but were still called upon at various times to be the parent. Now, we'll be able to be... well, I'm not sure what yet. They'll still be on our insurance for a while, and it is likely we'll be helping them out when possible with finances and transitions, and who knows when we'll actually kick them off our cell phone plan, but it still will be different.

We (especially me) find ourselves thinking and talking more about retirement. We're not there yet, but now hope to turn our financial focus toward that goal. The earliest I can retire will be in just over 5 years. I'm enjoying my work more than I have in many, many years, so it wouldn't surprise me if I stayed in the harness later, but am looking forward to getting to the point where it is a year-to-year decision. But, it does seem strange to be able to focus on what feels a bit selfish -- just us.

So, it is with mixed emotions that we approach this year's graduation season. Pray for all of us - especially the son who is approaching graduation with dread and anxiety. Life beyond college, I assure him, is a pretty fun place to be - even 32 years later!

End of a Chapter, But Not the Book

I've shared here the experience we've had with moving my parents to an apartment. The next installment of the story is the selling of their house, which is finally happening. Actually, given the market in their town, where a Navy base was recently closed, resulting in a lot of available housing in the area, we were fortunate to sell it in 6 months. The closing is tomorrow.

The emptying of the house has seemed endless. Besides all of the house stuff, there was my father's workshop and office and storage areas in the basement and a garage full of odds and ends. We actually didn't completely empty it -- rationalizing that some of the odds and ends we were leaving could be "useful" to the new owner (like the shelf unit with leftover cans of paint from the house doors and trim), the big folding table hanging on the garage wall, and the hedge trimmer.

Don and I paid our last visit to the house last Saturday. It was partly to retrieve just a few more things (a garden cart/wheelbarrow, a half-dozen boxes of various-sized trash bags, the wooden support for the birdbath which I should have taken last fall but which was frozen into the lawn all winter, an electric drill I don't think any of us had seen hanging on the end of the storage cupboards in the workshop, etc. Mostly, though, I think it was to say good-bye.

In a conversation with my parents after the visit, my Mom asked me if I felt sad. I said, "of course - we had a lot of fun times there!" Luckily that satisfied her and I didn't have to admit the sobbing crying jag I had while there. I couldn't have told her that I was really crying about how my parents are less and less able to take care of themselves, let alone a house. Or that I was crying for my own future elderliness.

So, the house chapter closes. The house is gone. There is now no one in my family living in the community where I grew up. The only thing left is a plaque honoring my father on the wall of the school where he was principal for many years and a handful of people who knew any of us.

But, the book is not finished, thanks to a large, extended family who is still close (not necessarily close by, but close). Many of us will be gathering for my father's birthday next week. My siblings are all talking this week about how to help my mother make efforts to be a bit healthier. We've got graduations to celebrate in two months, and anniversaries, and more birthdays, and an all-sibling camping trip planned for August. We'll keep writing memories.

And, of course, I'll keep knitting!

Checking In

Yes, I've been a bad blogger. Every time I check in on one of the blogs I read regularly and the writer hasn't posted, I admit I get a bit huffy. Then I remind myself how bad I've been with my own blog (there's that inner critic again!).

So, I'm checking in. I'm here. I'm present, but busy. The semester is flying by and spring is almost upon us -- the daffodils are coming up! How have I been doing with my New Year's goals? Let's see:

Release
This one is hard. I'm pretty good about letting go of guilt related to keeping my house clean, but then things pile up. Sigh. I'm working at getting ready to let my sons stand on their own two feet, somewhat. I was determined to let them do their own taxes this year, for example. BUT, I invested in TurboTax software for the first time ever so that it would be easier for all of us. Then, circumstances dictated that I had to do one son's taxes for him in order to give the disc to the other son, after giving him a demonstration. Next year? Definitely they are on their own (I hope). Financially, I'm ready to let go, but they aren't so sure they want me to :) We're going to have to negotiate things like whether they will stay on our cell phone account, whether we'll ask them to pay the cost of their staying on our insurance plan, etc. It will be somewhat tricky, but we'll get there. So, "release" is a work in progress.

Presence
This one is a bit easier. I practice it by insisting that we don't have our computers open when we sit down to eat dinner each night, for example. And, by sitting and eating dinner even if we both put together our own plate of leftovers instead of a cooked meal. But, I'm sure there are other ways to keep working on this. For example, I haven't been very good about getting to yoga classes this winter, and I could really use that time to check out of everything else and be present with myself.

Planning
I've been focused on this in fits and starts. For example, I found myself holding off on making travel plans to our sons' graduations. I made the hotel reservations months ago and then lost the piece of paper I noted the information on and had to call around to find out where I'd made them! But, we've got the plane and hotel reservations for the more intensive travel to one graduation, and will have to start putting some thought into the one that is easier to get to.

I've also been getting after some of the filing that is necessary to complete before meeting with a financial advisor. I'm getting there.

Knitting
I've been knitting up a storm whenever I get a chance. I've knit a bunch of faux-felted mittens to put away for next Christmas. I also knit 3 pairs of angora (Lush) fingerless mitts -- 2 pair for a friend who bought the yarn and asked me to make them for her and a 3rd pair for the pianist at choir. I've got enough left to make a pair for me when I get around to it.

I attended Spa, Knit, and Spin with a friend. I was pretty conservative in my purchases, but did come home with a few things:
The purple is Quince & Co. Tern (wool and silk) for a Piper's Journey shawl, purchased at Purl Diva. We also stopped at Halcyon in Bath where I bought something for a gift that I'll have to share after it is given. The blue is from Woolen Rabbit, a hand-dyer in New Hampshire to be used in a couple of Ann Hanson patterns. The red fiber in the baggie is silk muwata, which are also called silk hankies. When I attempt to use them, I'll have to show you how I'll be knitting them into mittens (the theme of the year so far seems to be mittens!). The gray is alpaca and silk for spinning from Portland Fiber Gallery - my one unplanned purchase. And the soap was a freebie from Spunky Eclectic from whom I purchased the muwata.

I've started the shawl, but other than that am still working on mittens. Funny how this has been one of the mildest winters in many years, and yet, here I am knitting mittens!

A Lovely Day Off

Yes, the skies are low and threatening snow, but it is Monday and I have the day off, so it is very lovely to me. Jan Plan came to a roaring finish last week (though two colleagues have a very big event happening today) and everyone is exhausted and ready for a short break. Classes don't start until Wednesday, so several of us have taken today off for R&R (or, at least, R). Don and I cleaned the house on Saturday evening, so all that is left are things I need to get done by myself, such as the bills :) My select group of readers know, however, that a puttering day at home is the most restful thing I can think of doing.

Knitting has figured interestingly into the weekend. A family at church has two daughters, around 10 and 7, who are interested in learning to knit. The mother doesn't knit (yet) and also wanted to learn. The 11-year old, M, already knows how to knit, but not how to read and follow a pattern, etc. We had our first "lessons" yesterday and I'm happy to report that the two new knitters left with several completed rows of knit stitches and M learned a new cast on and had an introduction to reading a pattern. They've gone off to practice for the week and hopefully we can meet at our LYS next weekend to pick out yarn for a hat for M to knit and something for Mom and S to knit washcloths with. I think I'll also encourage M to look at top-down sweater patterns as I'm sure she'll finish the hat in a flash.

Other than that, I did frog the baby sweater and moved up a couple of needle sizes and started a bigger size of the pattern with the result of a sweater that actually could be worn by a real baby. I was reassured in this action when I found that I had three balls of the main color when I thought I only had two. I think I'll have enough to make a hat to go with it.

I'm also making progress on a birthday or graduation present for my son's girlfriend. I know that the spring and summer are going to be inordinately busy (though there will be travel time that will benefit my knitting) and I don't want to be caught short.

Today, my puttering needs to include cleaning up my desk and fiber room. I actually don't have a sweater on the needles at the moment and am itching to start one, but have been holding myself off until I could get a bit more organized. I have the three projects going, but am very close to finishing two (the baby sweater and the Gaptastic Cowl). I can do a pair of Faux-Felted Mittens to keep myself at bay, but those don't take long. Oh, I do have two pairs of socks I could work on that have been started but put aside. OK, I'll hang on for a bit longer.

Then, on Wednesday, we'll start the spring semester, which promises to be a full, fast ride to May. So, today I'll putter and gather a bit of steam.

Jan Plan

For 30 years of my life, January has meant Jan Plan to me. Jan Plan is the month-long term between semesters at Colby College. As a student, it meant taking just one interesting class along with daily naps, cross-country skiing, and lots of reading and hanging out time. As an employee, it feels more like we cram a whole semester into 4 weeks and it is a race from start to finish. This year, and last year, I've added the responsibility of organizing and supporting a Jan Plan course for pre-med students. Most of the work comes in the fall, with the rest of it falling in the last 1 1/2 weeks of January. Here we go!

This weekend, however, we made no plans to go anywhere, except to attend the celebration of ministry that officially names our new priest as our parish rector. That was a truly moving, lovely eucharist services yesterday, followed by good food and fellowship. And, we even got a few leftovers to get us through the Pat's game this afternoon.

Knitting is spotty, but I did get to do some this weekend. At basketball games on Friday, I worked on the Gaptastic Cowl that I've been working on since Thanksgiving. It is easy to work on without looking, so it pretty much is relegated to when I need little distraction. The color is a bit darker than this picture -- a pretty teal color in Lambs Pride Bulky.
I (finally) finished the Japanese Vines scarf for Julie, my son's girlfriend. It blocked very nicely and is a pretty, soft green. I mailed it off to her in a box of things Nate left at home when he was here for Christmas.
I stopped by my LYS yesterday to pick up some mohair to make another pair of Faux Felted Mittens and, of course, found something on the sale table that caught my eye. I started on a baby sweater last night, but failed to do a gauge swatch, so it is coming out too small -- even for a baby sweater. I guess I need to start over and upsize my needles and size choice to compensate. The yarn is merino and silk (and machine washable!) and luscious. It is a free pattern from the blog of f.pea -- Supernatural Stripes.
I also got buttons yesterday for the Debbie Bliss sweater. With any luck I'll get them sewn on today and can wear it this week.

Other things accomplished this weekend are purchasing and installing a new phone (one with an answering system and big letters/numbers and a flashing light for missed calls - unlike the very cheap one we bought in November to replace the one whose display had ceased to function) and hanging our framed prints of Rocky Mountain College on the stair wall. Things not (yet) accomplished include doing my laundry and doing the bills :) But, I think I'll go rip out that baby sweater and start over.

(Fairly) Well Traveled

visited 31 states (62%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or website vertaling duits?

I found this nifty map on another blog and just had to do my own!

And, another one:

visited 8 states (3.55%)
Create your own visited map of The World or Free ipad travel guide

A New Year - A Clean Slate

I think one of the reasons I am driven to state new year's resolutions each year is because of the way the stress of the holidays seems to bring out all the worst in me. It is all self-imposed -- I try too hard to control everything around me: the gifts, the decorations, the timing, the food, the "arrangements." My most interesting insight came "on the mat" at yoga; the more out of control we feel, the more we tend to try to control things. Bingo!

This year, I am adopting a New Year's Resolutions approach offered by a blogger (thanks to my friend Lisa to pointing it out on her Facebook page). Chris Brogan encourages people to come up with 3 words to "help you define your goals and experiences for the coming year." I've been mulling that over since last night and have had lots of ideas but hope to settle on my three words here today.

Release.
There is a lot I need to let go of this year. I have a number of habits that don't serve me well, including habits of thinking. I need to lessen my reliance on my inner critic (which has a very loud and insistent voice). I also need to let go of "things" and "stuff" (but, not yarn or fabric!). My mother continues to worry about things that she had to give up in the move out of their house and I want to pare down the "stuff" I have so that we are actually using more of what we own and open up some "space" in our lives. And, I need to keep working on letting go of my sons as they finish college and go out into the world on their own. I currently hold on by being their chief source of income. Even though I'm very careful about not being a controlling funder, I am so looking forward to not having the responsibility of providing funds and caring about their use. While I'm looking forward to the financial respite, I'm most looking forward to the mental and emotional respite. So, this is a year of releasing bad habits, extra stuff, and parental "control."

Presence.
Being fully present (another yoga mantra) is another goal for me this year. This, to me, means several different things. For one thing, it means not putting things off or letting them stack up. Deal with them now. It also means being thankful for gifts in my life and expressing it. And, it has to do with parenting again. As a college career counselor, I know fully well how anxious seniors and their families are at this time of year and I want to try not to let my fears mount about the future for my sons. And, my cats are always a good reminder of what it means to live in the moment -- here's one taking advantage of the heat being on as the basket she is in lives on top of one of our radiators.

Planning.
Yes, I want to be fully here in the present, but I also know that the easiest way to enjoy that presence is to spend some time planning. My calendar is my friend -- knowing what is ahead of me during the week, for example, helps me to prepare my mind and emotions so that I can be present in the moment as the week goes on. I also need to act on last year's resolution to work on more carefully defined financial planning for retirement.

So, those are my three words for 2012. Release. Presence. Planning.

I actually started working on these before I was able to settle on my words.

I cleaned out a corner cupboard in our living room where I've been collecting glassware and teapots and vases and "stuff" for years. I hated to open it for fear that things would fall out and break, but also hated looking at it. I pulled everything out, boxed up things that my son wants to adopt, boxed up things for the church fair or a yard sale, washed almost everything off and rearranged what was left. Release.

I purchased hanging file frames and assembled them in preparation for starting to go through boxes and boxes of paper to pare it down to records and information I need to keep. There have been a few uncomfortable moments in the past year when I couldn't find information I needed because my current filing system is just archeological layers of paper, much of which I don't need to retain at all. I also read an article in Better Homes and Gardens about how to keep paper from piling up (in the January issue - not yet on their web site) and adapted it to my needs. I have a file box and a basket on the table where paper usually piles up. When I open the mail or bring home receipts, I'll put them in the files to be dealt with either mid-month or at my usual end-0f-month bill paying date. Planning.

And, I'm allowing myself to enjoy the feeling that this year is off to a great start in many, many ways. Presence.

I'm currently concentrating on finishing a number of knitting projects before beginning anything new. I've got two sweaters that need to be sewn together and I shouldn't start on a new sweater until I've got those two done. Really.

Christmas knitting is nearly done :) I still have two pattern repeats to do on Julie's Japanese Vines scarf. Zeben has advised me to make it long and since I don't know what I'd do with a leftover half ball of this yarn, I guess I'll just keep going until it is used up. Blocking it will make it a little shorter, but she is taller than I am, so I'm sure what feels long to me will be just right for her.

And, on this gray day, here's a bit of color to brighten us up:

Happy New Year!