A New Year - A Clean Slate

I think one of the reasons I am driven to state new year's resolutions each year is because of the way the stress of the holidays seems to bring out all the worst in me. It is all self-imposed -- I try too hard to control everything around me: the gifts, the decorations, the timing, the food, the "arrangements." My most interesting insight came "on the mat" at yoga; the more out of control we feel, the more we tend to try to control things. Bingo!

This year, I am adopting a New Year's Resolutions approach offered by a blogger (thanks to my friend Lisa to pointing it out on her Facebook page). Chris Brogan encourages people to come up with 3 words to "help you define your goals and experiences for the coming year." I've been mulling that over since last night and have had lots of ideas but hope to settle on my three words here today.

Release.
There is a lot I need to let go of this year. I have a number of habits that don't serve me well, including habits of thinking. I need to lessen my reliance on my inner critic (which has a very loud and insistent voice). I also need to let go of "things" and "stuff" (but, not yarn or fabric!). My mother continues to worry about things that she had to give up in the move out of their house and I want to pare down the "stuff" I have so that we are actually using more of what we own and open up some "space" in our lives. And, I need to keep working on letting go of my sons as they finish college and go out into the world on their own. I currently hold on by being their chief source of income. Even though I'm very careful about not being a controlling funder, I am so looking forward to not having the responsibility of providing funds and caring about their use. While I'm looking forward to the financial respite, I'm most looking forward to the mental and emotional respite. So, this is a year of releasing bad habits, extra stuff, and parental "control."

Presence.
Being fully present (another yoga mantra) is another goal for me this year. This, to me, means several different things. For one thing, it means not putting things off or letting them stack up. Deal with them now. It also means being thankful for gifts in my life and expressing it. And, it has to do with parenting again. As a college career counselor, I know fully well how anxious seniors and their families are at this time of year and I want to try not to let my fears mount about the future for my sons. And, my cats are always a good reminder of what it means to live in the moment -- here's one taking advantage of the heat being on as the basket she is in lives on top of one of our radiators.

Planning.
Yes, I want to be fully here in the present, but I also know that the easiest way to enjoy that presence is to spend some time planning. My calendar is my friend -- knowing what is ahead of me during the week, for example, helps me to prepare my mind and emotions so that I can be present in the moment as the week goes on. I also need to act on last year's resolution to work on more carefully defined financial planning for retirement.

So, those are my three words for 2012. Release. Presence. Planning.

I actually started working on these before I was able to settle on my words.

I cleaned out a corner cupboard in our living room where I've been collecting glassware and teapots and vases and "stuff" for years. I hated to open it for fear that things would fall out and break, but also hated looking at it. I pulled everything out, boxed up things that my son wants to adopt, boxed up things for the church fair or a yard sale, washed almost everything off and rearranged what was left. Release.

I purchased hanging file frames and assembled them in preparation for starting to go through boxes and boxes of paper to pare it down to records and information I need to keep. There have been a few uncomfortable moments in the past year when I couldn't find information I needed because my current filing system is just archeological layers of paper, much of which I don't need to retain at all. I also read an article in Better Homes and Gardens about how to keep paper from piling up (in the January issue - not yet on their web site) and adapted it to my needs. I have a file box and a basket on the table where paper usually piles up. When I open the mail or bring home receipts, I'll put them in the files to be dealt with either mid-month or at my usual end-0f-month bill paying date. Planning.

And, I'm allowing myself to enjoy the feeling that this year is off to a great start in many, many ways. Presence.

I'm currently concentrating on finishing a number of knitting projects before beginning anything new. I've got two sweaters that need to be sewn together and I shouldn't start on a new sweater until I've got those two done. Really.

Christmas knitting is nearly done :) I still have two pattern repeats to do on Julie's Japanese Vines scarf. Zeben has advised me to make it long and since I don't know what I'd do with a leftover half ball of this yarn, I guess I'll just keep going until it is used up. Blocking it will make it a little shorter, but she is taller than I am, so I'm sure what feels long to me will be just right for her.

And, on this gray day, here's a bit of color to brighten us up:

Happy New Year!