Change is Just... So... Hard

I recently attended our Diocesan Convention and heard the story of St. Columba who built a coracle and paddled (sailed?) it from Ireland to an island off the coast of Scotland where he started a new religious community (short version).  The convention's theme was centered on the change we need to bring in our church (at all levels) and our home parishes in order for our church to survive in the face of challenges too numerous to name here.  I told Don all of this when I got home and said that I feel a bit like St. Columba, heading off into the unknown and he said, "bobbing along in the water, sighting land ahead?" I said that I actually felt more like I was only at the point of thinking about building myself a coracle.

But, change has a way of happening whether it fits your schedule or not.  You can't wait for a propitious wind to set sail on uncharted waters -- usually, life just throws you off the dock.

That is sort of how my life has felt the past few years.  Every time I turn around, life is throwing me off the dock into cold, deep water.  I've written here about a couple of the big events -- my sons going to and then graduating from college and my parents' move out of their home and their independence into an apartment with need for more support from family and doctors.  The past summer and fall brought change and the prospect of change even closer with my Dad's health problems - the sudden realization he was not going to live forever was scary (yes, I know he's human, but I still can't imagine life without him).

The most recent changes, or possible changes, came in a cluster of three.  First, a colleague whom I value has been offered a job - the verdict is still out on this change, but it won't be easy for anyone if it goes through and has led to some introspection about professional change and challenge.  Next, our neighbors of 23 years, with whom we share a driveway and who are like family to us, turned 90 this year and finally decided to move in with their daughter, 2 hours away.  The moving truck came last Friday and their house stands relatively empty and completely dark at this point.  Also on Friday morning, it was announced that my favorite radio show on our local public radio station was ending that day after a 30+ year run.

What did I do in the face of these last two events?  I bawled.  I went to work late with puffy, red eyes and told everyone I was having a bad day.  Life goes on - yesterday was the church fair and demanded full attention, but apart from that distraction, I find that the tears are still just under the surface, threatening to break through if given the slightest opportunity.  Change is just... so... hard.

ON MY NEEDLES
Despite my tendonitis, I'm nearly done with a Miss BB sweater - just one sleeve to knit and then I can put it together.  Doctor's appointment for the wrist in a week - hurrah!

I'm always envious of knitters who get to go to knitting retreats: Sock Summit, SOAR, Knitting Lab, Squam Lake, etc.  So, I've joined Craftsy and when they had a sale on classes recently, I bought three.  I'm looking forward to doing Portulaca with Carol Feller and a Lopi sweater with Ragga Eriksdotter in Iceland. The third is about fitting your knits to your figure - I took a class on this once, but could use a refresher.