On Wednesday, we took our beloved older cat, Pandora, to the vet to be put to sleep. I can only write about it now without crying, after 4 days I do still clutch up when I think about her, but the sobbing has pretty much stopped. She had pancreatitis, which we learned about a few months ago, and it was just eating her up inside. Although she showed very little sign of being in pain, she had lost more than half her weight, her urine was full of blood, and she vomited at least once each day. But, her appetite was still strong and she still loved to be wherever we were. I bought her a heated cat seat and she loved it as I think she was cold a lot of the time.
Anyway, now matter how much I know it was the right thing to do for her, my heart still hurts. She really was my little girl and I miss her. Our other cat isn't much of a lap-sitter or cuddler, so although I'm glad we have her, it doesn't provide much tactile comfort, the way having Panny in my lap would do.
But, as the initial shock has subsided, I find myself feeling unsettled about any number of things, not just the loss of Pandora. It is as if the shock has uncovered a lot of other things that aren't resolved. For example, I'm still unsettled about all of the changes we've made in our house. The new kitchen still looks just a little not-right with the new stainless steel appliances and different flooring and countertops. There are bits of work that still need to be done - especially painting the woodwork.
We moved our bed out of the annex to the bigger room which should have been our bedroom all along but was my sewing room and our catch-all room for over 20 years. We haven't really done much with the room as the windows are due to be replaced this summer and I hope to replace the ceiling and carpet at the same time, as well as paint the walls. It was my idea, and I do really think we're going to like it when it is all spiffed up, but the sounds are different at night, the light is different, and anything "different" right now is unsettling.
My "fiber room" is in disarray- a pretty good representation of my state of mind. I've spent some hours there this week clearing stuff away and trying to find my way around in it, but it is still a long way from really being the studio I want it to be. Plus, it is full of half-finished projects. I'm trying to work on finishing up some of them as it will clear out a lot of storage space, but still feel a bit overwhelmed when I look around. These photos actually show it looking a lot better than it did two days ago!
Work is still unsettling - even though everything is immeasurably better than it was a year ago. Although I'm really happy with our new Director, and feeling better and better about her leadership in our office every month, there are still lots of question marks. We need to fill three positions for next year, and that many new co-workers will undoubtedly be challenging (not necessarily in all negative ways, for sure). Plus, everyone at Colby is holding their breath a bit as we await the arrival of a new president of the college in July. I just wonder if I have the strength to weather all the change coming down the road at me.
But, there are positive changes happening at the same time. I'm participating in a "preventing diabetes" class at the hospital and have lost 10 lbs. It feels great and I'm planning to lose 5-10 more. There are those outbreaks of happiness I've written about. The temps got up to 47 degrees today and it was sunny (probably some real signs of spring under the several feet of snow we have would help me out a lot). And despite my unsettled feelings about lots of things, I'm so lucky to have rock solid Don right her with me.
So, I guess I'll keep knitting along this journey and see where it takes me.
ON MY NEEDLES:
I wore my Hibernate a couple of times before realizing that one sleeve was wider than the other at the wrist. Sure enough, when I counted, it was 4 stitches wider, which, in bulky yarn, is rather significant (more than an inch). I ripped out the sleeve yesterday and re-knit it (well, I have a few inches to go, but am nearly done) to match the smaller one.
I finished Nate's vest - just need to wash and dry it (I made the boys' vests in superwash so they couldn't possibly shrink them).
I'm still working on Nate's socks - I'm turning the heel on both of them.
I'm most of the way through the first sleeve for a sweater I started in the fall but put aside during the holidays. Fargo, out of a denim blue Berocco Peruvia that I had a sweaters-worth of in my stash.
And while doing some tidying in my fiber room today, I pulled out a half-knit cardigan sweater and spent about an hour fiddling with it until I could figure out where I was in the pattern and get going on it again. I think I put it aside because the yarn was acrylic and I've become somewhat of a yarn snob in the past few years (yes, it has been set aside for several years). But the yarn is actually a nice one with a lovely dark ruby heather color and I think I'll be very glad to have it in my sweater collection instead of on my fiber room shelves.
OFF MY NEEDLES
I offered to make co-workers some fingerless mitts this winter, but didn't get the project off the ground. The pattern I wanted to use called for Lush, a wool and angora blend yarn, which turned out to be discontinued. No substitute can be found as it appears that all angora yarn is not available at the moment. The project languished until I found another pattern and yarn that I thought I could enjoy knitting several times over (2 hands X 3 co-workers is a lot of knitting the same thing). A very plain, free "mittlets" pattern from my LYS, with a variegated wool yarn. The color changes make it do-able. Anyway, I've got one mitt done, so that counts for "off my needles," even though there are 7 to go (making myself a pair too).
Also, I finally put together and sewed on a label for the quilt I'd made for Nate. Now to find time to take it, and the sweater, and maybe finished socks (?) down to him in NH.
